Wednesday, November 12, 2014

You are what you make of it.

I first saw you in front of me in line on that Tuesday morning. Honestly, I didn't think much of you. It wasn't until a couple hours later, I spotted you again, sitting on your own to the side with a giant textbook in front of you, a pen in hand, and that eager, concentrated look on your face. Maybe I was curious about how one could be so focused on a textbook rather than dozing off. Or maybe, you just looked like an interesting individual, full of stories to share. Or maybe it was the way the sun hit you at just the right angle right at that very moment I glanced over. I don't know why I approached you that day, but I can whole-heartedly say that I have never looked back.

I see you as a captivating individual, quirky in your own way. You have no enemies, no problems, and no challenges that you can't face. You are carefree and really live your life the way you want to live it. You always amaze me with how smart you are, from throwing random facts at me, to being able to explain anything I ever ask. You make everyone around you comfortable and always seem to know what to say. You make me realize things.
I admire you. I think highly of you. I want to learn from you.

I would have never expected you to open up to me the way you did. I never expected those words that came out of your mouth, or those thoughts that you voiced that engulfed your mind the way a tornado would engulf lives. I never thought you would cry in front of me, or even how we we would cry together. I didn't know that it was possible for an individual, let alone you, to feel this way, to hurt this way, to break this way. These situations you told me about, I can't bear to imagine anyone face, but you faced them alone. You did it, you succeeded, and today you stand tall. You're a fighter.

You amaze me. You are so strong. You take adversities and hardships and learn from them. They don't take you down- they build you up. They made you titanium. They made you wiser. The made you, well, you.
Telling you that I am in awe of you would be an understatement. And if this means anything to you at all, I just wanted to let you know that I am so proud of you. I am so proud of what you've become.
I am ecstatic that you are part of my life and that I can call you my friend.

Take me back to the day when the sun was hitting you at the perfect angle, because I want to relive the beginning of the rest of my life.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

I've only got forever and forever is fine.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
- Maya Angelou

Helloooooo there,

I thought I'd attempt to compile my thoughts into words...

To a friend, from a friend.

So this is for everyone reading, whoever you might be:

It's okay to feel.

It's okay to to feel vulnerable and to let that vulnerability show. It's okay to hurt and to express it. It's okay to scream and shout.
Just don't hide behind the curtains for the entirety of the show.

I want to know you. 

I want to learn about you. I want to dig deeper. I want to know what makes you tick. I want to know how your status, possessions, and power make you feel. And when you're given the chance to be set free from them, would you take it? I want to know how you feel when you find someone who you can relate to. I want to know about the way you breathe when you're out on a single patch of dirt surrounded by nothing but what this earth has given us. I want to see what gets you through the day.

You drive me insane- just like living on a never ending roller coaster. You make me think so hard that my brain just wants to slip out of my skull. You keep my mind floating in midair in a broken room. And yes, you say you want to talk, you say you want to know and that you care. You add on all this bullshit that keeps me hanging on a thread. I know it's all pretend, but I can't help but try so hard to keep grasp.

Let's chat.

Let's converse about your thoughts on nature? Politics? Life? What makes your heart jump and helps you fall asleep with a smile on your face? What makes you open your eyes a little wider or makes you raise your eyebrows? What tickles your toes? How can I bring out that half grin of yours?

How do you feel about pain? Let's share the hurt. Let's share the things that really bring us down and tips us over and runs circles in our mind while we pull our hair out. Open up to me and tell me what really rattles your bones and what makes each and every strand of hair stand up on the back of your neck. What are you afraid of losing and what would you do when you've lost it?

What about those real dreams? The ones that you think you're too short to reach. Do adversities and hardships ring bells? Let's discuss shame and those little things that you do that you find embarrassing, but I find alluring. Or those misconstrued meanings, or those things you think you should know, but truly don't. What about the false perceptions that breeze through the solemn air? And the standards you set for yourself or the expectations that others set for you to meet that overwhelm you? Because let's face it, we're always hard on ourselves.

I'll open the conversation if you say you'll try because I'm here to shatter those fears with you. I'm here to hold your hand and guide you through the burning room with your eyes closed. I'm here to face those situations you're trying to find the easy escape for because you're not going to do that. You're going to face them head on. And once you do really overcome the difficulties, you defy gravity. I know you can. There's so much I want to say but when the opportunity finally arrives, it's just a blank space.

You're one who I look forward to share exciting things in my life with. And when you speak, I'm quiet and calm because all I want to do is take everything in. And when we have that silence in our conversation due to the unnecessary need for words, I'm completely satisfied with just the breath between us. And when I make a fool of myself like I always do, please don't be afraid to laugh because I love that laugh of yours. I want to hear more. I want to see more.  I want to know more.

Forget safety because that would mean leaving behind this jungle gym in which we call reality. But don't forget my words because I mean every bit of it. And I have to admit, I'm to the point in which I don't care that you lie in another universe. All I'm asking for is a little piece of you; just a little bit of attention... Just a speck of dust- is that okay?

Open yourself to me. Open your heart- be brave and vulnerable and have the strength to trust me because that's all I ask. I promise that I won't touch a strand of hair, let alone break anything because I respect you. And when you need your space, just tell me and I'll be out of sight.

You have a beautiful soul (not quoting JMcCartney on purpose <3). I'd love to stick around and watch it bloom if you let me.
And you say you don't know yourself, so let's figure that out. And when we figure all this shit out, we'll wash ourselves in our tears for this new found realization is what we've been longing to discover.

I know that I am asking for a lot, but I'm ready whenever you might be, even if that's in forever because, well, forever is just a moment of time for someone you care about.
I just want to let you know that you're worth it.
The floor is open.
Care to dance?