Monday, February 23, 2015

Round and round and round and.

When I think of you, I think of how simply complicated you are, or how you're imperfectly perfect, or the way you're so unsurprisingly surprising. You're a story that never gets old because my heart jumps with every touch and my mind wanders with every thought. Be courageous and take my hand because I yearn to be in your next chapter, and maybe even the sequels yet to come.
Flip to the first page. I'm ready.

Each and everyday that passes, is another day that I grow fonder and fonder of you.
and with this growth, I want you and only you.
and with this want, I become more and more selfish.
I need you. I want you and you know it. You're scared. I'm scared.
Don't lie to yourself and admit it, you need me too.

The thing is, that even though it hurts, it really hurts, the little bits of you make it worth it.
The way everything is better than okay. The crazy things you have me doing. The way you make me feel- the excitement, longing, butterflies, pure bliss. The way you make me want to try harder and be better than I am. The way, the way I can't even believe that you're real, that this is real....
it's all because of you.

I hope you believe me when I tell you that you're not just great, but you're amazing.
You've become a part of me without physically being here with me everyday.
and it's frightening. How is that even possible?
I'm hooked, but I'm not going to stand in your way. I'm so proud of you. Your heart is in the right place. I'm excited for the good differences you're making with every individual you cross paths with. 
You have all of my support. 
I just ask that you trust me without fear.

My dear, it's everything about you that I adore. I can go on and on for decades and centuries listing out everything I love about you, but
I won't because, gee whiz, that list would be overwhelming.
You have it great right now though. I mean look at you. Look at everything around you. Look at all those smiles of all those people you make so happy. And now, look at yourself. Look how happy you are; happiness- that's important and I'm not going to take that away from you.
Yes, you make me happy; actually, that's an understatement but there aren't enough words in the world to express how happy you make me.
In the end, I'm just one person who ends up being half the problem./jj
and maybe you're just looking for the easy way out.

You are so good. You are remarkable. You have a scent, a touch, a taste of innocence. You are a beautiful individual, extraordinary in your own way. I find myself at loss for words, tongue tied and stumbling over my own feet around you. There's something you do that I can't quite grasp; I can't seem to understand, but I am solemnly okay with it.
but until we meet again,
until our thoughts link again
until our understandings match again
and until our minds are coherent with one another again,
I want to promise you, just like the stars swear to shine no matter how dark the skies might be, that I will challenge myself to give you the real me, to break down the barriers that keep me closed off. And as continual as parallel lines float, I am determined to continue to keep you in my life.

I will make the choice to wait and be there for you as you figure things out because I can't just stop. You're so so so important to me. really. You have to understand that
my love is unconditional. You just have to accept it; let yourself take it. You have to believe it, believe me. You might question this truth which, in turn, makes you question yourself. What did I do? How does this happen? What does this mean?
How could someone love allofme without asking for anything in return? How could someone put up with allofmy shit and still see the best of me?
You see, there's only one of you in this universe. There's only one you who can do all this to me, for me, with me. and if I walk away now, I lose this piece of you, this piece of myself.
I adore you because you are you, nothing less and nothing more. I won't desert you because we're in this together.

I can't imagine letting go of you in this way, but if that's what you want, if that's what will make you happy, then all I can do is expand my imagination and respect you because what is love without respect? Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it
because all I know is
gosh, you're fantastic.

They say "Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth fighting for." and I was so sure that I found someone worth fighting for,
but maybe I was wrong.
maybe I've lost this time.

Once upon a time, I fell for you,
and it was the best uncontrollable decision of my life.
Thanks for what was,
maybe this time, you've lost.

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